today is mothers day, May9th. well, other ppl may be enjoyinq their times with their mum. but i still feel down. yst ie told wan ie was qonna buy mc breakfast for her today bt ie see like my mum still nvr talk t me. hais. yst texted lisha, and confirm tmrw qq work at RW. so, ie went kovan look for three quarters t wear. then end up lisha said wear kasut, black tee and jeans. then ie da ade except black tee so went heartland grabbed one at new future. then wanted t buy smtq for mum bt cant qet one. so ie went home, thinkinq. these few days ie just wanna cry. ie knw she wants to push me t dad. hais. now shes close t KakLyah, but what t do. she used t call me and text me but now she calls her everytime and doesnt reply my text. hais. AM I INVISIBLE? why is everyone hurtinq and toyinq with my feelinqs? im not a doll. arqh! yst dad talked t me and asked me if ie wanted t run away from home. ie said yes. then he adviced me on and on w many pauses. but ie just kept quiet like a statue. all ie said was, "i am not qq to run", cmon la, ie qot brains t think. even if ie dont come hm, ill just qo and stay sabs hse. & ie dont wanna do those thinqs aqain cus ie wanna prove t smbdy tt ie am really qq to chanqe and dont want disappoint him. even if he does care thouqh. hais. idk. ppl say when two people quarrel their r/sp will qet closer and bondinq stronqer. bt idk, he always picks a fiqht with me. im tired of beinq hurt. ie do have feelinqs and im sad everytime we fiqht. ryte nw, ie just wan to b happy but sadly, everyone is just wantinq to hurt me time and aqain. ie lost my mum's love and someone too. both my top priority. thanks ehq. ie wished ie could have both back. but, arqh. its over. yst, ie had fun with wan. went out with him. everytime he is with me, ie smile. bt only abit off yst when he went buy thinq for his mum. then ie sat down, think tt if only my mum wasnt like this to me then maybe ie could also qet smtq for her. hais. then when he texted me tt hes home, awhile ltr ie went online aft dad talked t me. suddenly he said he qot thinq want tell me. he said tt he have not fallen deeply in love with me and he not ready to be with me. ie was like ok. but no words can express my feelinqs at tt moment. dk? ie jst felt like he wasnt interested at me at all. and he is playinq around with me. ie now scared he will be like other quys. its all my fault for playinq with fire. tt person said tt he felt like he took me away from afan. pls lah, how many times must ie say ie already dont love afan. if ie want now also ie can qo meet afan bt ie dont want t cus ie qave my heart to him alr. then ie tired of fiqhtinq alr, ie told him ie wn qo sleep. cried t sleep. woke up at 805am exactly and straiqht away called him to check on him. he's workinq today and scared tt he havent woke up. he dint answer then he called back. he said hello then ie said hello. he nvr reply for v lonq so ie put down. then ie text him, "da anqun lum?". he woke up alr. then ie went bck sleep. 1:28pm, Mum called her again; nvm, lets continue. he then texted me around 10 sayinq sorry bout yst thinqy. bt ie was chill-ed alr. not hurt anymore. bt then just nw he called me at 1216, we talked. then abt yst thinq came out. ie said ie couldnt trust him cus ie find him not sincere and he kept thinq from me. for v lonq he wanted tell me bt yst onlie he told me. hais. thanks alot. then we talked and he say only dont want fiqht bt end up? herms, then aft that we texted each other cus he werkinq. meanwhile, ie texted mum ie said, "Happy Mothers Day, Ily." cus ie scared if ie say alot she mls nk entertain. then she said ty, u should know dad and me love all the children the same. and she said she treat KakLyah like own child cus she qt no family, hope ie understand. so she tryinq to say WHAT? tt im not tt important? arqh. best! then ie said t her, ie felt left out in the family and ie dint buy nitink for her but ill qive her some of my pay when ie start werkinq and all she replied was TY. wth? ty jeh? tts nt the mother ie know. she would always reply me lonq2 and say smtq sweet and funny. bt nw? hais. then the other person pulak laqy satu. makinq me stress. ie said ie dowan force him. bt he say im nt. bt after what he said, ie felt like ie am. what t do? hais. ie stress uh. ie just want him t know tt ie love him and ie wont basted him bt its up t him what he want. yst at bridqe road, he asked me two qns. "You love me?" and "If ie go Ns wll ue wait?" arqh. see? who dont trust who? whos the one whos always anqry and findinq fault? me or ue? stop blaminq me. soon ie start werk, ie dont need t stress myself at home. and wan cant find fault w me anymore. tts the reason y ie chose t qo werk. ie want keep myself busy and let qo of everythinq. maybe they'll be happier that ie wont dsterb their life. im sorry if ie cant be perfect enouqh for ue quys. btw, for ur info he may be my ex bt ie dont consider jerks as one. ue thouqht ue were the only quy? well, as far as im concerned ive only had one true ex, ayie. no more. im nt lyinq. well, ue qt many more qerls. aft and before ayie, all the quys were just not real love but now when ie found ue, im qlad. ie would have lost contact with ue if ie wanted cus im nt interested in quys and r/sp but ur just like the perfect one im lookinq for and now...
IE HAVE ONLY YOU.
