wannnn (:

heartbeats(:

♥ LOVED ♥

though all the fights,

wan your my only one.

thanks for being patient with me today.

ppl do chanqe aft time.

off to werk these week, so im busy and then next week start sch alrrr ): super tired. qq to sec4nt, thank God means ie have ard 4.5 months of secondary sch, then proceed to ite. omy, cepat lah skola habes. tk sanqqop aku. tired mannn. tmrw have t qo yuyinq sec to buy stuffs but im intendinq t qo werk at RW with lisha, wan and nebs cus we 4 da kena Specially Reserved at Mels & KT ! wowww, lisha yq book. but ie dont want werk at KT psl e chef mcm so the bossy. Mels nye chef qerek and orq2 dyeh friendly laqipon tmpt tk sempit cam KT. haiya, tkpelah, ie really hope can qo werk w them tmrw cus nk spend tyme (: herms, aft that meet wan. anytime he said. today went suntec with mel for interview aqain at jose eber, tpi ie 100% confident not qq werk dere cus its full time kind of thinq and ie qot stupid skool. went with mel, da lamer tk jmpe! met wan awhile to pass stuffs to him as my baq qot many thinqs! berat. hais special today like nvr lyn me, donnoe why ie feel like we driftinq apart. ie miss him. maybe he has chanqed but now he like dont really care abt me. idk, do ie even exist in his life? i miss the old Syazwan. the one who made my simle everyday but nw, looks like im smilinq to myself and ppl miqht think im crazy. then went buqis with mel, bouqht baju for herself and me, and blanje her EVM. tiresome walk ard buqis. wan said no need fetch him aft werk. entala, biar. qive him space. ie also dont like t force ppl. then ie went t meet SA at tamp aft skool. ie today feel hunqry and thirsty whole day so ie bouqht bubble tea. SA tk tau nk lepak ane. wthhh. then keep askinq me to decide, then when ie sit at this particular block tk suke plak cus qot many ppl walkinq around. so we finally went to sit at sab's block. then we talked. ie told SA ie wanted to shave my sideburns. then SA want pick up qirlfie at hqq. so we both went hqq toqether. all the way with SA, ie kept squeezinq SA bones then SA in pain. haha, padan muke! in bus, SA asked for massaqe. wahhh, bully me! SA carried my shoppinq stuffs. *bully back* nanny nanny poo poo! (: then went hair saloon and do my hair, shave sides for 5bucks but they wanted t increase to 16 if ie did more. wahhh nk cheat my money. even this outsider said klau buat kt barber lqy murah. bloody helllll! herms, walked ard see hp's. mahal uh trade in the phone ie want NokiaE63, 130 bucks. cus the oriqinal price of that fone was 220, pdhl my sony fone coss 200 bucks? wahh, puas ati my birthday ie qo and siqn up plan. August 24. cheyyy, bdae orq yq ku syq dtq soon seyh. da tue, on the 1st of June. When i reached home, i miss him badly. Have alwyas been missinq him but now its qettinq too stronq. but i dont know bout him. hais. yeah, we've doinq lesser stuffs toqether. even sms-inq qettinq less, calls only lasts a few minutes a day and sometimes dont even have one call. ie dont know is it my werk im busy with or he chanqe? ie need him by my side, ie lost smbdy alr, next him? hais. imysm. imysm.

mixed feeling.

today afan absconded from girls hm. hais. dy asal kau larie bodoh, abeh ade hati nk kol aku. the other day ie went her werk place and meet her, ie told her ie qot thinq wan tell her. she just called minutes aqo and asked me what ie wanted t tell her. btw, ie was fuckinq SAD tt she ran. ie just want afan t continue her stay in there w/o any extension anymore. dydy, mepek uh kau ny! ie told her ie wasnt waitinq anymore and then her tone chanqed. walauuuweyyy! ie really disappoint her alot. ie was like one fucker qivinq afan false hope, ie shouldnt have promised. then she said, well, ie dont blame ue and ie evr asked ue t move on with life but ue dint want. since ue feel lonely, find a companion. my last words to ue is, "Kalau nmpk kat luar, jqn teqo". whaaattt? ur endinq our special f/sp just lyke tt? arqh, its all my fault for werkinq and not pickinq her up from werk. if ie did, maybe we could talk thinqs out. she said, "ie still rmbr Elmo syq Shesky, tpi since ue want it this way..." i'll not call ue aqain. arqh! stoopid uh. hais. sedeh. tmw qq werk aqain. spendinq time w lisha todae was superb. thanks lisha. ive qot no mood, qq sleep now. hais. thanks for seqalenyeee. will be busy these few days. sorry wn, fr draqqinq feelinqs at you just now.

GUYS.

super tired t upload. but well, just wanna say HELLO to somebody has hurt me these past few days, im off to sleep nw cus qonna werk ltr, ie forqv ue bt ie dont forqet. i miss you.

fight again.

this is whats happeninq in our msn convo nowadays. i hate it! ):

lost both my top priority.

today is mothers day, May9th. well, other ppl may be enjoyinq their times with their mum. but i still feel down. yst ie told wan ie was qonna buy mc breakfast for her today bt ie see like my mum still nvr talk t me. hais. yst texted lisha, and confirm tmrw qq work at RW. so, ie went kovan look for three quarters t wear. then end up lisha said wear kasut, black tee and jeans. then ie da ade except black tee so went heartland grabbed one at new future. then wanted t buy smtq for mum bt cant qet one. so ie went home, thinkinq. these few days ie just wanna cry. ie knw she wants to push me t dad. hais. now shes close t KakLyah, but what t do. she used t call me and text me but now she calls her everytime and doesnt reply my text. hais. AM I INVISIBLE? why is everyone hurtinq and toyinq with my feelinqs? im not a doll. arqh! yst dad talked t me and asked me if ie wanted t run away from home. ie said yes. then he adviced me on and on w many pauses. but ie just kept quiet like a statue. all ie said was, "i am not qq to run", cmon la, ie qot brains t think. even if ie dont come hm, ill just qo and stay sabs hse. & ie dont wanna do those thinqs aqain cus ie wanna prove t smbdy tt ie am really qq to chanqe and dont want disappoint him. even if he does care thouqh. hais. idk. ppl say when two people quarrel their r/sp will qet closer and bondinq stronqer. bt idk, he always picks a fiqht with me. im tired of beinq hurt. ie do have feelinqs and im sad everytime we fiqht. ryte nw, ie just wan to b happy but sadly, everyone is just wantinq to hurt me time and aqain. ie lost my mum's love and someone too. both my top priority. thanks ehq. ie wished ie could have both back. but, arqh. its over. yst, ie had fun with wan. went out with him. everytime he is with me, ie smile. bt only abit off yst when he went buy thinq for his mum. then ie sat down, think tt if only my mum wasnt like this to me then maybe ie could also qet smtq for her. hais. then when he texted me tt hes home, awhile ltr ie went online aft dad talked t me. suddenly he said he qot thinq want tell me. he said tt he have not fallen deeply in love with me and he not ready to be with me. ie was like ok. but no words can express my feelinqs at tt moment. dk? ie jst felt like he wasnt interested at me at all. and he is playinq around with me. ie now scared he will be like other quys. its all my fault for playinq with fire. tt person said tt he felt like he took me away from afan. pls lah, how many times must ie say ie already dont love afan. if ie want now also ie can qo meet afan bt ie dont want t cus ie qave my heart to him alr. then ie tired of fiqhtinq alr, ie told him ie wn qo sleep. cried t sleep. woke up at 805am exactly and straiqht away called him to check on him. he's workinq today and scared tt he havent woke up. he dint answer then he called back. he said hello then ie said hello. he nvr reply for v lonq so ie put down. then ie text him, "da anqun lum?". he woke up alr. then ie went bck sleep. 1:28pm, Mum called her again; nvm, lets continue. he then texted me around 10 sayinq sorry bout yst thinqy. bt ie was chill-ed alr. not hurt anymore. bt then just nw he called me at 1216, we talked. then abt yst thinq came out. ie said ie couldnt trust him cus ie find him not sincere and he kept thinq from me. for v lonq he wanted tell me bt yst onlie he told me. hais. thanks alot. then we talked and he say only dont want fiqht bt end up? herms, then aft that we texted each other cus he werkinq. meanwhile, ie texted mum ie said, "Happy Mothers Day, Ily." cus ie scared if ie say alot she mls nk entertain. then she said ty, u should know dad and me love all the children the same. and she said she treat KakLyah like own child cus she qt no family, hope ie understand. so she tryinq to say WHAT? tt im not tt important? arqh. best! then ie said t her, ie felt left out in the family and ie dint buy nitink for her but ill qive her some of my pay when ie start werkinq and all she replied was TY. wth? ty jeh? tts nt the mother ie know. she would always reply me lonq2 and say smtq sweet and funny. bt nw? hais. then the other person pulak laqy satu. makinq me stress. ie said ie dowan force him. bt he say im nt. bt after what he said, ie felt like ie am. what t do? hais. ie stress uh. ie just want him t know tt ie love him and ie wont basted him bt its up t him what he want. yst at bridqe road, he asked me two qns. "You love me?" and "If ie go Ns wll ue wait?" arqh. see? who dont trust who? whos the one whos always anqry and findinq fault? me or ue? stop blaminq me. soon ie start werk, ie dont need t stress myself at home. and wan cant find fault w me anymore. tts the reason y ie chose t qo werk. ie want keep myself busy and let qo of everythinq. maybe they'll be happier that ie wont dsterb their life. im sorry if ie cant be perfect enouqh for ue quys. btw, for ur info he may be my ex bt ie dont consider jerks as one. ue thouqht ue were the only quy? well, as far as im concerned ive only had one true ex, ayie. no more. im nt lyinq. well, ue qt many more qerls. aft and before ayie, all the quys were just not real love but now when ie found ue, im qlad. ie would have lost contact with ue if ie wanted cus im nt interested in quys and r/sp but ur just like the perfect one im lookinq for and now...

IE HAVE ONLY YOU.

out with wan bby (:

just now went meet wan at kovan mrt, he was late for 30 minutes. nvm tt, mum dint talk t me aqain. only asked if ie qt money. went t bank at 130 so its closed alr. close at 1. so earlyyyyy. ie went t walk t kovan mrt waited for so lonq and he reached aft 230. best pe. kena paitao for so lonq. then jave called the moment wan reached. told jave tt ie wasnt waitinq anymore. hais. so sorry for disappointinq everyone. then asked cutecute t explain t afan. herms aft wan took out money, we took 80 and went bridqe road cus he want eat. then qo buqis, he bouqht two shirts for himself. then he bouqht me a dress. haiyo, ie thouqht 5 bucks skalie the person said, 26bucks. ie dont wanna buy but he insisted. haiyo. then went town meet his friends, he see thinqs. bouqht perfume for his mother. ie sat outside the shop, nk nanqes psl ie tqk dyeh sweet nah dqn mak dyeh. and he's really lookinq forward t mother's day but me like idk what like tt. bsok mothers day bt me and mum drift. ie sedeh. ie jealous tqk wan. then he came outside and then he ask me y ie bad mood, but ie donnoe how t tell him. hais. ie wish my family was like other family too. wan send me bck home. thanks bby, ily for every moment ue spend with me today. saw aidil and kak ida. wasehhh aidil, still e same. second tyme he saw me with wan. haha. senyum jek ny aidil. kak ida became fatter (: